Building Better Relationships with Tarot

Welcome to my contribution to the Tarot Professionals February Blog Hop, a chain of related blog posts by members of the Tarosophy Tarot Association. Please check out the other members’ posts by using the links at the beginning and end of this post.

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The theme for this month’s Blog Hop, as we near Valentine’s Day, is how we use tarot to improve relationships. I have also added a spread I designed that can be customized according to the needs of the querent.

First, let me say I love using tarot to improve relationships of all kinds. Lovers, co-workers, family members, friends – any relationship can benefit from the shift in perspective tarot can facilitate. It really is my favorite tool to help me see things from a new angle.

I have used tarot myself when I’ve been having problems in relationships, and also just as a way to gauge how a relationship is going. I have been able to use tarot to diffuse problems with people in my life, and it has helped me be able to come to mutually agreeable solutions.

Our relationships are at the heart of all our greatest hopes and fears, and I would risk saying that nearly all tarot readings have something to say about our relationships — with other people, with ideas, with possessions and money. What is life, if not a series of relating.

Shake up your perspective! 

All too often we are only able to see a relationship or a situation from our own rigid point of view. We can become trapped in thinking only a certain way. Sometimes, we perceive that as being the “right” way or only way, and that is when we can have trouble in our relationships. We can use tarot to see how another person may be seeing the same situation. We can get a sense of other perspectives, and try to understand them. Tarot shines a light on all the other possibilities and helps us clearly see ways to solve our problems.

One of the most common things I hear when doing readings for others is “I never saw (or thought of) it that way.”

When I am contacted by a client for a reading, I will spend some time brainstorming the questions I want to ask the tarot, and then some more time refining the list of questions and narrowing down the list to about 3 to 9 questions. I will then draw a card (or sometimes two or three) cards, for each of the questions. In that way, each reading is custom tailored to the client.

I read from the perspective that we can’t change the other person/people in a relationship, we can only take responsibility for and change our own behaviors and role in the relationship.

So I might ask, on behalf of the client:

  • What action can I take to improve the relationship?
  • What part in the relationship can I take responsibility for?
  • What does the other person/people trigger in me, and how can I deal with that?
  • What am I unconsciously bringing to the relationship?
  • What role does my Shadow have in this relationship?
  • What do I have that the other person/people needs?
  • What do they have that I need?

One of my favorite techniques to use when doing a reading on a relationship – romantic, or platonic, involving any number of people – is to choose and use a separate deck for each party in the relationship. Barbara Moore in her book “Tarot Spreads” has a great spread called “Tarot for Two”, in which she uses a separate deck for each person, and I’ve borrowed the idea and adapted it to the way I use tarot.

So, in doing a reading for a relationship of two (or more) people, I choose a different deck to represent each person in the relationship, and then draw a card for each person to represent their answer to each question. If you’d like, you can even choose a significator from each of the decks to represent the people in the relationship. The cards can then be laid out in columns or parallel lines so that you can easily see parallels and contradictions between the cards.

Some of my favorite questions to ask in this way are:

  • What is my perspective on the relationship’s past?
  • What is my role right now in the relationship?
  • What is the Self I am projecting to the world right now?
  • What are my true feelings?
  • What do I feel is blocking our communication?
  • What can’t I let go of?
  • What is my biggest hope for the relationship?
  • What is my biggest fear?
  • Where is this relationship likely headed?
  • What is the weak point of our relationship? Its strength?
  • What do I need to pay attention to right now?

Using this mirroring technique, I came up with this spread below for a client. Feel free to play around with changing the questions to suit your own needs! 🙂
mirrored heart tarot spread

Helping people improve their relationships through tarot is one of my favorite and most soul fulfilling things to do. If you’d like me to help you improve your relationships, please visit my tarot services page.

See posts by other tarot professionals on this topic by clicking through on the links below. 🙂

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artist, tarotist, creatrix, woods-walker, swamp-tramper, island dweller, part-time mermaid, moongazer, rubber boot mystic

4 thoughts on “Building Better Relationships with Tarot

  1. This is great, Monica! Now I need to go get Barbara’s book and find that spread! I like how you made mention of relationships with more than two people. There’s not a lot of focus on that in tarot, and I love seeing more.


  2. This is brilliant Monica! I feel much the same way and frequently read the cards from the other person’s perspective. It’s so helpful and insightful! Thank you for the wonderful questions and the spread – I will definitely have to try it!


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